Fractals of the holographic “one"
By Ronald Holt Feb 7th 2020
As fractals of the holographic “one,” all bear similar stories, fractures & splits.
As a fractal, we (“I”) unconsciously “coddle” and protect a worst fear. It has taken a long road of processing to unpackage and see this worst fear more clearly & compassionately.
I used to think it was fear of the unknown, but now it is clear that it is a fear of the projections and promulgation of unconscious and uncontrolled irrational words, acts and behaviors one may encounter ...while standing squarely in a vulnerable, naked, open and transparent state (and under the assumption) of giving and receiving equality, respect and unconditional love.
Observing the thread of repeating similarities in past experiences, (and in hope of dissecting issues for clues to resolution) ...I can see as a child, my father often acted (from a child’s perspective) in irrational overreactions amounting to brutality. This heightened the child in me to improve my psychic intuition to “read” my tormentors emotional state and be extra careful at avoiding any potential tripwires by walking on eggshells with sufficient deftness ...not to break a one.
This had a disadvantage as it set in motion in me a reclusion of a percentage of my self within an inner version of a transparent protective receptacle, like a thick wine bottle from which I could appear present and responsive but reclused enough in my protective world while whining with secret anxiety at those who would (or just might) ...take advantage of my vulnerability or naked authenticity if I exposed large enough portions of myself outside my whine bottle reclusion.
As I looked back upon the many similar repeating stories, I clearly track the times I thought and felt respected, loved and appreciated sufficiently to stand outside my whine bottle ...unreclused and allowing the fullness of my vulnerable true being-ness to dance with close friends, lovers, spiritual teachers ...even spiritual masters.
The repeating thread is that each time a relationship opened to this point of vulnerability and authenticity where dancing was possible, it triggered an unexpected unbridled projection of unending irrationality upon myself and from those I trusted most. This ensued even though so much care had gone into avoiding the common tripwires and inadvertently breaking of another’s eggshells or boundaries.
Tying all of these repeating incidents together and taking them into the golden and diamond clear light of the quantum fluid, while in that supportive detached state ...I immediately observed my fear reflected back to me and realized I had a fear of my own unconscious irrational projections against myself ...which up to now, I had not embraced and accepted into integration.
I saw that if I cannot recognize, embrace and steward my own anxiety stemming from my own tendencies of unconscious irrational projections, how could I accept and have compassionate understanding for those who project it to me? It was clear that I would continue to manifest externalizations of my projections of irrationality until I awoke to this.
Then, being in the space between the golden and diamond clear quantum fluid, my heart asked; “from where does this all track back? ...to the moment we all went unconscious?”
Immediately the reflection acknowledged in the affirmative from which immediately I saw that I also had deep fears surrounding the unconscious projection of irrationality (I imagined) would arise from source itself ...which I had not taken into account.
Reading me like a book, source spoke from the ubiquitousness in a calm unequivocative state and stated: “ Son, I’ve never judged you.”
The unbearable lightness of being hit in that moment with an atomic like explosion.
Source continued by stating that;
“always there has been a thin membrane of surface tension arising from the anxiety surrounding the unclaimed and unaccepted projections of irrationality assumed by you ...of the transgressions or perceived flaws in your actions, words or being that might trigger source’s retribution. Your perceived flaws and actions are your stories but do not define who you are. Return them all now, just as you acknowledge and accept the illusion of judgement created by yourself against yourself. The river of you is readying to enter the ocean, you are what you have been looking for, already.”
Love to Source within, and to all beings, hope this helps others come to clarity and compassion.
As a fractal, we (“I”) unconsciously “coddle” and protect a worst fear. It has taken a long road of processing to unpackage and see this worst fear more clearly & compassionately.
I used to think it was fear of the unknown, but now it is clear that it is a fear of the projections and promulgation of unconscious and uncontrolled irrational words, acts and behaviors one may encounter ...while standing squarely in a vulnerable, naked, open and transparent state (and under the assumption) of giving and receiving equality, respect and unconditional love.
Observing the thread of repeating similarities in past experiences, (and in hope of dissecting issues for clues to resolution) ...I can see as a child, my father often acted (from a child’s perspective) in irrational overreactions amounting to brutality. This heightened the child in me to improve my psychic intuition to “read” my tormentors emotional state and be extra careful at avoiding any potential tripwires by walking on eggshells with sufficient deftness ...not to break a one.
This had a disadvantage as it set in motion in me a reclusion of a percentage of my self within an inner version of a transparent protective receptacle, like a thick wine bottle from which I could appear present and responsive but reclused enough in my protective world while whining with secret anxiety at those who would (or just might) ...take advantage of my vulnerability or naked authenticity if I exposed large enough portions of myself outside my whine bottle reclusion.
As I looked back upon the many similar repeating stories, I clearly track the times I thought and felt respected, loved and appreciated sufficiently to stand outside my whine bottle ...unreclused and allowing the fullness of my vulnerable true being-ness to dance with close friends, lovers, spiritual teachers ...even spiritual masters.
The repeating thread is that each time a relationship opened to this point of vulnerability and authenticity where dancing was possible, it triggered an unexpected unbridled projection of unending irrationality upon myself and from those I trusted most. This ensued even though so much care had gone into avoiding the common tripwires and inadvertently breaking of another’s eggshells or boundaries.
Tying all of these repeating incidents together and taking them into the golden and diamond clear light of the quantum fluid, while in that supportive detached state ...I immediately observed my fear reflected back to me and realized I had a fear of my own unconscious irrational projections against myself ...which up to now, I had not embraced and accepted into integration.
I saw that if I cannot recognize, embrace and steward my own anxiety stemming from my own tendencies of unconscious irrational projections, how could I accept and have compassionate understanding for those who project it to me? It was clear that I would continue to manifest externalizations of my projections of irrationality until I awoke to this.
Then, being in the space between the golden and diamond clear quantum fluid, my heart asked; “from where does this all track back? ...to the moment we all went unconscious?”
Immediately the reflection acknowledged in the affirmative from which immediately I saw that I also had deep fears surrounding the unconscious projection of irrationality (I imagined) would arise from source itself ...which I had not taken into account.
Reading me like a book, source spoke from the ubiquitousness in a calm unequivocative state and stated: “ Son, I’ve never judged you.”
The unbearable lightness of being hit in that moment with an atomic like explosion.
Source continued by stating that;
“always there has been a thin membrane of surface tension arising from the anxiety surrounding the unclaimed and unaccepted projections of irrationality assumed by you ...of the transgressions or perceived flaws in your actions, words or being that might trigger source’s retribution. Your perceived flaws and actions are your stories but do not define who you are. Return them all now, just as you acknowledge and accept the illusion of judgement created by yourself against yourself. The river of you is readying to enter the ocean, you are what you have been looking for, already.”
Love to Source within, and to all beings, hope this helps others come to clarity and compassion.
Services & Info |
Company & Contact |
Courses |
All material on this web site is ©2018-2023 by Seed of Life Institute LLC. All Rights Reserved.
When quoting from or using any written material obtained from this site, please state clearly the source, with a link to the page.
Photographs are not allowed to be used without written permission from Seed of Life Institute LLC.
All of Ronald Holt's work (including Quantum Navigation) is part of the SOLi School, a division of
Seed of Life Institute LLC. Ronald Holt serves as co-director. For more info: www.solischool.org
When quoting from or using any written material obtained from this site, please state clearly the source, with a link to the page.
Photographs are not allowed to be used without written permission from Seed of Life Institute LLC.
All of Ronald Holt's work (including Quantum Navigation) is part of the SOLi School, a division of
Seed of Life Institute LLC. Ronald Holt serves as co-director. For more info: www.solischool.org