The Fugue and Crucible aspects of "The Dark Night of the Soul."
by Ronald L Holt
by Ronald L Holt
Many are experiencing a “fugue” and “crucible” form of a dark night of the soul, ...yet this challenge is intensified by having no idea (and no control) over just “when” and “how long” these inescapable experiences subsume us ...and having little or no information available about what exactly it is, nor what to do about it.
The “fugue” and “crucible” form of a dark night of the soul ...arise from a higher aspect of our being that sees when we are ready to begin the disassembly of our patchwork quilt of false history, identity and personality we’ve worn from our many lifetimes.
It has taken lifetimes to engineer our own unique patchwork quilt of false history, identity and personality appearing real and incontestable ...as we constructed (then validated it) while we were unconscious of who and what we truly are.
Over the last seven or more years I went through an extensive process to crack and peel away my own patchwork quilt which I now see as my cosmic eggshells (and it’s subtle layers). It lead to dropping away from all colloquial definitions of what my life, job, relationships and definitions of self, ultimately were falsely based on.
As I painfully experienced that patchwork quilt getting completely broken apart by a higher aspect navigating this process I clearly remember all the while feeling desperately aimless and hopelessly alone.
During those times, I experienced what I called the fugue. It was inescapable and it was unpredictable ...as to when it would plunge me within it ...and how long it would last per episode.
Each episode felt as though a black void overcame me emotionally and psychologically. And within that void space, it felt dark and constricted with no gravity ...and also felt as though all cardinal-directions were removed.
With no ability to sense direction, the intensity of contracted-ness (emotionally, psychologically and even somewhat physically) increased to a level where it felt like being in a burning crucible and destroying all sense of the 3-D self as well as that patchwork quilt of history, identity and personality. I discovered I had a death-grip attachment to it - as I felt I was nothing without it ...boy was I wrong
!
I learned over time and repeated experiences, that the burning sensation (and deep contracted-ness)had to do with the level of attachment to my belief in such repeated negative inner-unconscious stories ....that had calcified into belief systems stemming from the many dramas and traumas experienced when I was vulnerable, sensitive, unconscious, naive and trusting at various times (especially childhood) ...and in many lifetimes.
This burning sensation I had coined to myself as the crucible, as I discovered that within the fugue episodes which I could not control ...the fugue drew the false (or incompletely processed and immature) inner stories, belief systems and emotions into the burning of the crucible and would burn away the unconsciousness and their emotional attachments painfully enough for me to let go of. Simultaneously it magnified the clear-seeing of who and what I truly was ...and did this in episode by episode exposing windows upon my true-being.
The process resulted in the compassionate understanding and appreciation for all of my former unconscious states and actions ...which I found causes a magnetic-integration.
I found that we are an infinite collection of equal but dualistic counterparts (like Yin and Yang). And these dualities are based in consciousness and unconsciousness ....and they are inextricably linked together and cannot be destroyed, pushed away or un-linked. Instead they must be integrated back together via compassionate understanding and appreciation for what they are.
They are like horseshoe magnets 🧲 facing each other ...in that “unconsciousness” itself keeps them repulsed and in dynamic opposition and competition with each opposing side.
While consciousness has them attracted to each other enabling them to find home in their opposite ...and all of these dualities come home in an integrated way within our very heart (their only home).
When they exist in unconscious opposition, we fight them and consequently remain split (dissociative) within ...then project it externally on all our creations and relations.
As the crucible experiences turned the duality magnets from unconscious opposition to conscious compassionate appreciation and understanding ...the inner dualities of pain, shame, blame, guilt, grief, anger and more ...began coming home to integration and the fugue episode would conclude because the splits in the self ...all began to merge via compassion and understanding.
So, my unconscious attachment to the markers of identity (especially the history of the many false and incompletely processed stories and negative emotions of pain and trauma etc) began a destruction (or better) ....a disassembly process by virtue of the fugue and its all important crucible episodes.
I found the fugue and crucible episodes separates the dross (or polarized charges) surrounding these incompletely processed stories and emotions that we use to quilt our identity with ...gets burned to its truth in the fugue and crucible and allows the metals (or true fabric) to amalgamate so-to-speak.
I hope this makes some sense. I found that understanding a larger perspective of what was going on for me helped me by giving me some direction and clarity.
The Japanese have a practice and philosophy of adding gold to fill in the cracks in their bowls and cups ....this reminds me of the gold of conscious-compassion ...holds the paradox of dualities together.
The compassionate appreciation and understanding for the opposing dualities in us ...helps us to see that we do not need to break the crystal of our being (or glue it), but by compassionately appreciating the dualities composing it ...adds the gold.
The fugue and the crucible are our greatest ally for integrating our unconscious dissociation's and welcoming them home, though at first it seems our greatest bane.
It has been said; "You cannot change a person (or yourself) ...until that person is ready to see themselves differently"
I think that by seeing where our painful dualities arose from and where their home ultimately resides within the other ...helps us open our most vulnerable recesses of our own heart and compassionate consciousness to accept our greatest wounds and perceived darkness with understanding and appreciation.
We are who (and what) we’ve been seeking for validation, nurturing, stewardship and integration of our delicate inner parts which are now crying out wanting to come home - especially during fugue and crucible like moments.
Hope this is helpful, love to you!
Please feel free to share this.
Many thanks to the borrowed beautifully illustrative graphics from various Conscious Facebook feeds ...you help illumine and inspire us all!!!
***If this has been of assistance to you (and what you may be going through) ...and you are seeking more info and depth on this subject, I have made more of this material available for “free” under the heading “Quantum Navigation,” and you can access several years of videos: click here
The “fugue” and “crucible” form of a dark night of the soul ...arise from a higher aspect of our being that sees when we are ready to begin the disassembly of our patchwork quilt of false history, identity and personality we’ve worn from our many lifetimes.
It has taken lifetimes to engineer our own unique patchwork quilt of false history, identity and personality appearing real and incontestable ...as we constructed (then validated it) while we were unconscious of who and what we truly are.
Over the last seven or more years I went through an extensive process to crack and peel away my own patchwork quilt which I now see as my cosmic eggshells (and it’s subtle layers). It lead to dropping away from all colloquial definitions of what my life, job, relationships and definitions of self, ultimately were falsely based on.
As I painfully experienced that patchwork quilt getting completely broken apart by a higher aspect navigating this process I clearly remember all the while feeling desperately aimless and hopelessly alone.
During those times, I experienced what I called the fugue. It was inescapable and it was unpredictable ...as to when it would plunge me within it ...and how long it would last per episode.
Each episode felt as though a black void overcame me emotionally and psychologically. And within that void space, it felt dark and constricted with no gravity ...and also felt as though all cardinal-directions were removed.
With no ability to sense direction, the intensity of contracted-ness (emotionally, psychologically and even somewhat physically) increased to a level where it felt like being in a burning crucible and destroying all sense of the 3-D self as well as that patchwork quilt of history, identity and personality. I discovered I had a death-grip attachment to it - as I felt I was nothing without it ...boy was I wrong
!
I learned over time and repeated experiences, that the burning sensation (and deep contracted-ness)had to do with the level of attachment to my belief in such repeated negative inner-unconscious stories ....that had calcified into belief systems stemming from the many dramas and traumas experienced when I was vulnerable, sensitive, unconscious, naive and trusting at various times (especially childhood) ...and in many lifetimes.
This burning sensation I had coined to myself as the crucible, as I discovered that within the fugue episodes which I could not control ...the fugue drew the false (or incompletely processed and immature) inner stories, belief systems and emotions into the burning of the crucible and would burn away the unconsciousness and their emotional attachments painfully enough for me to let go of. Simultaneously it magnified the clear-seeing of who and what I truly was ...and did this in episode by episode exposing windows upon my true-being.
The process resulted in the compassionate understanding and appreciation for all of my former unconscious states and actions ...which I found causes a magnetic-integration.
I found that we are an infinite collection of equal but dualistic counterparts (like Yin and Yang). And these dualities are based in consciousness and unconsciousness ....and they are inextricably linked together and cannot be destroyed, pushed away or un-linked. Instead they must be integrated back together via compassionate understanding and appreciation for what they are.
They are like horseshoe magnets 🧲 facing each other ...in that “unconsciousness” itself keeps them repulsed and in dynamic opposition and competition with each opposing side.
While consciousness has them attracted to each other enabling them to find home in their opposite ...and all of these dualities come home in an integrated way within our very heart (their only home).
When they exist in unconscious opposition, we fight them and consequently remain split (dissociative) within ...then project it externally on all our creations and relations.
As the crucible experiences turned the duality magnets from unconscious opposition to conscious compassionate appreciation and understanding ...the inner dualities of pain, shame, blame, guilt, grief, anger and more ...began coming home to integration and the fugue episode would conclude because the splits in the self ...all began to merge via compassion and understanding.
So, my unconscious attachment to the markers of identity (especially the history of the many false and incompletely processed stories and negative emotions of pain and trauma etc) began a destruction (or better) ....a disassembly process by virtue of the fugue and its all important crucible episodes.
I found the fugue and crucible episodes separates the dross (or polarized charges) surrounding these incompletely processed stories and emotions that we use to quilt our identity with ...gets burned to its truth in the fugue and crucible and allows the metals (or true fabric) to amalgamate so-to-speak.
I hope this makes some sense. I found that understanding a larger perspective of what was going on for me helped me by giving me some direction and clarity.
The Japanese have a practice and philosophy of adding gold to fill in the cracks in their bowls and cups ....this reminds me of the gold of conscious-compassion ...holds the paradox of dualities together.
The compassionate appreciation and understanding for the opposing dualities in us ...helps us to see that we do not need to break the crystal of our being (or glue it), but by compassionately appreciating the dualities composing it ...adds the gold.
The fugue and the crucible are our greatest ally for integrating our unconscious dissociation's and welcoming them home, though at first it seems our greatest bane.
It has been said; "You cannot change a person (or yourself) ...until that person is ready to see themselves differently"
I think that by seeing where our painful dualities arose from and where their home ultimately resides within the other ...helps us open our most vulnerable recesses of our own heart and compassionate consciousness to accept our greatest wounds and perceived darkness with understanding and appreciation.
We are who (and what) we’ve been seeking for validation, nurturing, stewardship and integration of our delicate inner parts which are now crying out wanting to come home - especially during fugue and crucible like moments.
Hope this is helpful, love to you!
Please feel free to share this.
Many thanks to the borrowed beautifully illustrative graphics from various Conscious Facebook feeds ...you help illumine and inspire us all!!!
***If this has been of assistance to you (and what you may be going through) ...and you are seeking more info and depth on this subject, I have made more of this material available for “free” under the heading “Quantum Navigation,” and you can access several years of videos: click here
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All of Ronald Holt's work (including Quantum Navigation) is part of the SOLi School, a division of
Seed of Life Institute LLC. Ronald Holt serves as co-director. For more info: www.solischool.org
When quoting from or using any written material obtained from this site, please state clearly the source, with a link to the page.
Photographs are not allowed to be used without written permission from Seed of Life Institute LLC.
All of Ronald Holt's work (including Quantum Navigation) is part of the SOLi School, a division of
Seed of Life Institute LLC. Ronald Holt serves as co-director. For more info: www.solischool.org